Tired but Happy part 1

Tonight, I realized that it's been two weeks since I started this, and I haven't added anything else to it. Not exactly what I had anticipated! Maybe I had to let it digest a bit first. There's the "good" side, and the "bad" side to this.

I think my life is at some kind of crossroads. On the one hand, my day to day life has gotten much fuller, which is the "good" side. On the whole, my daily life, except for a brief spurt between April and July, has been pretty solitary outside of work. Some of that has been of my own doing, a sort of "personal time" away from the noise and haste. But, a lot of it has been not of my own doing, but more a factor of location. I've always told myself, before I lived here, that I could be happy wherever I was, because happiness comes from within, but also, one can decide to be happy and find the things and places that contribute to that in their environment. However, this notion really got tested once I moved to this area about 16 years ago. Maybe it was partly my own expectations, or partly it was my lack of knowledge about the realities and actualities of the ability of culture to shape one's experience, especially if one has not been any other place to experience any other culture other than one's own. I guess to put it bluntly, it was like, "When Worlds Collide", except not in the global, sci-fi sense, but in the real life, conversational, interactional way, which actually tends to seep down deeper and begins to affect the soul when you find that suddenly, you are the "different" one, instead of the one that tends to blend in to the surroundings, or at least, has much common ground with the other natives in the local village. It still amazes me that we can call ourselves one country, the United States, and yet, life can be vastly different in almost every way from one state to the next, or even one area of 200 miles or so in any one direction. Basically, after not such a long time being here, to steal from another movie, I realized, "Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore......". And, I missed my version of Kansas very much. Maybe because, more like the opposite of the movie, it felt like my Kansas(California) had gone from the wonderful colors of Oz back to a black and white tornado-infested Kansas, otherwise known as Wisconsin.

At first, I tried shaking it off; "I can do this. I've got the skills, I've got the desire, this is my new home, I'm making a go of it". Then, I'd tromp off to make my world more colorful. The only difficulty that I hadn't factored into my nice theory was that, unlike me, the other natives of the village didn't really want to live in color; they rather liked their black and white existence, and, in fact, thought it was full of color! I think, for the longest time, I worked really, really hard to try to "see" the colors they saw, but, to my chagrin, it never seemed real to me, just still black and white with shades of gray. Oh, and the other thing was that these people seemed to also live in a rather 2-D world, when I was used to 3-D. That takes a bit of getting used to, also; in fact, I've found myself off kilter more than a few times, trying to re-adjust my sights and "fit in" to the new land I inhabited. But, it wasn't very comfortable, and I grew tired of always feeling off kilter, wondering how these others thought this to feel so "normal" in their world. I felt like a hexagon that was trying to adjust myself to fit into a square box. It gets a little cramped after awhile. And, trying to explain a world in 3D when the natives only see 2D gets to be a bit trying after awhile, especially after getting the same kind of faraway look that says, "I have no idea what you're talking about." So, slowly, I began to pull away from the crowd, and find a way to feel more comfortable. And, the funny thing is, I suddenly found myself spending lots more time by myself, which of itself wasn't a bad thing, but, over time, I did start to feel as if I were really quite an uncommon kind among these parts, and I'd have to search beyond this village to find some like minded folk.

Due to technical difficulties, this message is being delayed until further notice. (Editing: This is taking longer than I thought, so I will finish this up tomorrow). :-)

Same bat time, same bat channel.

Number One!

Well, I've finally done it. I've gone where many have gone before, but thought it would be a place I'd only visit. I've taken the dive into the sea of bloggers. I've heard it's quite a large sea, so maybe I should change that to "ocean". I'm hoping mine is a friendly ocean, mostly calm, with nice, surfable waves, not too choppy, very few storms, and lots and lots of nice, bright sunshine. I never thought I would join this particular ocean, mostly because I never really thought I had much to say that anyone else would really want to read. However, I have come to realize that this is really an exercise more for me than it is for anyone who chooses to read here. Most of us have probably at least heard about journaling, if not done so ourselves; I certainly have. However, lately, I haven't had much enthusiasm for putting pen to paper, so it's been awhile, and most of my real life journals are collecting dust.

I have also found, much to my great joy and surprise, that a few friends of mine also have blogs, and I've very much enjoyed reading through them at all hours of the day/night, depending on when I have the time. I like the fact that I can hop on this magical thing called the internet, or as some call it, "the interweb", and easily hook up with my friend's pages, enter their lives either where they are currently, or jump back to the past that I haven't fully caught up with yet, and re-live some of their old memories. This has allowed me to feel much more connected to them, their families, and feel as though maybe they really aren't as far away as they once seemed (even though one lives in Africa and the other one in Holland). Yes, this magical device makes the world a little bit smaller, and more accessible. And, fantastically enough, it's something I can afford! (That's a big bonus in my world). Having lived in the Midwest for the past 16 years, and having not really been able to travel much except to California and Idaho, I have to say I have felt "landlocked" and isolated in this area also known as the Great Lakes Region of the U.S., part of the Great Plains (it is very flat around here), or, as some just 30 minutes north of me like to say, "The Frozen Tundra". Unfortunately, I have to agree with the last definition, and it's that way more often than I would like. I often feel as though I haven't quite adapted to this different "culture", and so, never quite feel "at home" here. Being able to read my friend's blogs, and hear what they're up to, helps me feel not so isolated, and more "at home" here in this land I now do call "home". Being able to travel in my imagination to a warm Africa for awhile can ease me into the soon-to-come winter, even as the wind is howling outside my window tonight during a rain storm. (I am thankful for rain, knowing they are having a drought in Africa and Calif.). Taking a trip to Holland, or Amsterdam, or Germany, depending on where my friends there are traveling, helps me to remember that I'm not alone in terms of feeling different in a place that doesn't much care for different people. I also get to do some really cool sight-seeing without the expensive plane fares! Now, that's something. In addition, I get to try to see things from a different perspective; maybe I'm stuck in a rut of gray days with no sun, or struggling with a conundrum in my head, and I just need a break; my friends give me great opportunities to tune into something outside my own life experience (I can imagine myself enjoying a nice mango with Lisa, or going on a walk with Maury the dog through the village with Gretchen), and by doing so, enlarge my own world in the process. I know that by reading about their adventures, I have become more attuned to current events, politics, art, history, music, religion, culture, literature, social justice issues, emotions, and maybe most important, the qualities of faith, hope, and love. What else in this world holds us all together, anyway? To me, it's all about connection. Where would we be without connection to one another?

So, my intent is to brush up on my writing skills, put down my thoughts on various and sundry topics, which hopefully will be wide-ranging, and perhaps, in the long run, I will be able to become a more thoughtful, enlightened human being. And, maybe you will find something you like here that you also want to comment on, put your two cent's worth in, rant about, or just say hi. I hope this will be a place where we can engage one another in conversations. Many, many conversations. I look forward to hearing from you! And, who knows....maybe in 10 years, I could earn another Master's Degree, this time in Surfing; only, it would be on that great big ocean called the World Wide Web that I have just become a part of!